286 days

 Why do you want to adopt Elijah James?

That's what the judge asked me at our finalization hearing. I think I laughed at him. 

We want to adopt Elijah James because his birth mother chose us to be his parents. Justine could have made a number of decisions at that point in her life. But she picked us. It would be disgraceful not to support her in that choice. 

We want to adopt him because we want to expand our family. We want to be a family of four so we started this journey almost 3 years ago. God called us into this unique relationship and when He calls, we follow. No matter how painful the process may be, it's for His glory. 

The way Josiah looks at Eli makes my heart explode with joy. They look at each other full in the face and laugh. Or scream - whatever the case may be. But they belong together. From the moment Josiah walked into the hotel room in Yulee Florida and saw Eli - THAT was love at first sight. Pure unconditional love. Being a brother is magical - to each of them. 

We want to adopt Elijah James because our families belong together. Eli is the link that connects us to our Florida family. I knew from the first time I spoke to Justine that she was part of our family. When we visit them, it's just as natural as visiting our biological family. The similarities are amazing. 

A lot happens in 286 days. 286 days ago, a Social Worker named Dakota, place a baby in my arms and I cried with overwhelming joy to meet him. His foster mom had dressed him for the occasion in a onesie that said "new to the tribe." I still have that whole outfit. And the pacifier he had on that day. 

I held him almost constantly for the first 24 hours. I learned his sounds and I smelled the top of his head. I snuggled him against my skin and I told him all about how we met. The whole story. The story I will repeat to him every time he asks. 

I watched Aaron hold him and talk to him. Feed him and provide for us. I watched Josiah enter the room in awe and look at Eli's tiny hands in amazement. Josiah still calls him "my baby." 

In 286 days, I watched Eli get sick. It happens. I comforted him and gave him medicine. I watched him all night to make sure he was ok. He shared his germs with me and I gladly accepted. 

In 286 days, I watched teeth erupt through his tiny gums. I watched Eli deal with this unexplained pain by eating frozen waffles. He cried and drooled and his chin got a rash. All the while I had to explain to him that this just happens and it will pass. 

He said "dada" first. Most kids do. He said "baba" second, for brother. I don't take offense to not being on the list of first words. Because I know when he needs something he looks to me first. No one replaces a mom. 

Some nights, during those 286 days, I wore him in a carry and danced to music so he would sleep. Sometimes I walked up and down our street with him in that same carrier hoping he would sleep. I swayed, I rocked, I threw my back out. All the while, he really just wanted me to put him in the crib and walk out of the room. Eli needs alone time before he falls asleep. 

In 286 days we watched him go from lying on his back, to rolling over, to sitting, to crawling, to crawling REALLY fast. He stands and cruises, and every so often takes a step or two on his own. We watched him go after cords and quickly snatched him up to safety. He learned to climb and will quickly and fearlessly be on top of something in a heartbeat. We learned that he is determined to do what he wants to do and it takes a lot of convincing to change his mind about things. He has tenacity. Which means, he's a Carr. 

Eli ate and grew over the past 286 days. He eats green beans, peas, carrots, steak, hamburger, chicken, french fries, cereal, cheese, berries, yogurt. He eats anything you put in front of him and excitedly asks for more. He grew big and strong. The boy is like a tank.

We learned that when Eli smiles, it starts with his big blue eyes. They sparkle when he is happy, which is most of the time. He crinkles his whole nose and gives you full body hugs when he's happy to see you. Josiah can make him laugh at just about anything. And when Eli laughs, we all laugh. 

So when the judge asked me why we wanted to adopt Elijah James, I laughed. Because he belongs with us. We started praying every night for God to send us a birth mother who is strong in 2019. We prayed that God would carry her and give her strength in uncertain circumstances. That God would bring our lives together in the most wonderfully unique way. We prayed that she would be strong enough to endure her pregnancy and more importantly strong enough to walk through placing her child with our family. That she would be strong enough to trust us - because we were strangers who would become family. Elijah James was a Carr before any of us even knew it. God knew it first and that was way before 286 days ago.