Knowing

I had a professor at NCCU one time tell the whole class, "When you know, you know, you know you know, you know?" At the time, I thought he was senile. 

He would sit on a desk at the front of the room, eye's closed, and say....nothing. For a long time. It was my FOURTH class with him when he made this gem of a statement. Four graduate level, master's degree counseling classes with a mountain of a man sitting on a desk, with his eyes closed, saying nothing. After the second class I quit looking around the room to see if anyone else thought this whole thing was odd. During the fourth class, I looked around to find the person who was having him as a teacher for the first time. They were easy to spot. Excited, peppy, notebook out, pen poised in hand, ready to receive knowledge. Then....the silence. They'd sit politely for the first 3 minutes. Then they'd glance to the left or the right. After 10 minutes they would turn around to look at the whole class who would be sitting quietly. Waiting.

It turns out, the law of "when you know you know" is actually the best thing I learned in graduate school. It was for sure, the ONLY thing he said during that class. It's probably the truest thing I've ever learned in school. Period. I've taught it to all my interns. It applies to multiple areas of life. It probably doesn't read well in a blog, so let me explain....

When you know some thing - in your gut - And you are aware of this knowledge, then the confidence in that knowledge will lead you to act. You know?

Examples are elusive because it's an experiential thing. Like "Oh! I know! Dang! He was right!!"

It will always surprise you. Just like it did when we returned from the mountains.

I was folding laundry on the bed. A giant mountain of laundry. Aaron was getting ready to get Josiah from school. I was going to cook dinner while he was gone. That's when Destiny Adoptions called and asked if we wanted to know more. 

"I have a birth mom that has picked you. She has a son that is 6 weeks old and he's in foster care. She's choosing private adoption. Is this a situation you'd like to know more about?"

Yes. We always want to know more. 

The more the story unfolded on that Monday afternoon, the more in awe I was. This was our child. This is the one we were waiting for. I had chills. I cried. I knew. WE knew. I took off my glasses and just leaned against the bedroom wall in prayer as the details flowed from the phone....

Baby boy, birth mom, open adoption, it's going to happen fast. It's really important that you keep the first name. She really doesn't want you to change the first name. 

We don't get to name him. Which means, our theme of biblical names and family names will be disrupted. Also, what if the name is, you know, something I don't like? All of these thoughts were quickly dismissed as pure vanity. If all the details are right, wouldn't it be honoring this woman to keep the name she chose?

"Ok, What's his first name?"

"His first name is Elijah."

Elijah. We both laughed. Elijah. The prophet. A true biblical name. A name that we had chosen if we ever had another son. 

"What's his middle name?"

"Well, she said you could change that if you wanted. So..."

"What is it?"

"Let's see.....his full name is Elijah James."

James. As in Clyde James Gregory Jr - aka Buddy. As in James Franklin Murray - aka Grandaddy. As in Clyde James Gregory Sr - the one, the only, Grandpa. For those of you that don't know me, that's my dad, maternal grandfather, and paternal grandfather respectively. 

Elijah James - is the name we had picked if we had another son. A name that had been spoken in our home in 2015 prior to a miscarriage. Again in 2018 and again in 2019. And here it is being spoken again in 2020 over the phone by a woman in Florida who is telling us that he is born, he is real, and his mother wants him to come home with us. To be ours. 

"We will keep both names. But you have to get off the phone right now and call this woman and tell her it would be our honor to raise this child."

It's just a name. But it's the name of the person that completes our family. When you know you know, you know you know, you know?

I'm sure you'd love to know more details. But we've got to get to Florida. Besides, if I told you all of it now, there wouldn't be much reason for you to read another post.