The great wait

What do you do when you are waiting to sign adoption papers? You stay busy and take time out to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. 

We have been on this trip since July 30. The baby is one week old today. We haven't seen her yet. She's 3 minutes down the road. Just right out of reach. But that is right where God wants her to be right now. 

This is birth mother time. Before her grief can meet our gratitude, there's this time. It is not for us to disturb. It is precious. It is sacred. It is not ours. 

The best gift we can give to this woman right now, is space and time. So we don't contact her. We don't try to visit. We just pray. With every breath we pray. 

It's not easy. But it is easy. Let me explain...

First the not easy. There is no end. We don't know what's going on. The updates can be vague. We have no control over the situation. It's hot and extremely humid in August in Florida. 

At night Josiah cries. He is scared of his room here. He wants to go back to his white house and wait for his baby sister there. This house is yellow and it doesn't have a sandbox. 

This is hard. 

Now the easy....

We are on an adventure to create a family and a family is no small thing. Part of building a family, is these last days when it's just 3 of us. We hike together. We play together. We eat meals together. Yesterday we played putt putt golf and fed alligators. Josiah got his first hole in one. 

The day before we went to Fort Desoto. Aaron went for a run and Josiah and I explored the most beautiful beach in the world. The water was so clear you could see schools of fish and your feet on the white sand below. Near the end of the beach in a tide pool you could see long nose gars swimming right next to you. Things you would only see in an aquarium. We stayed in the water until we were wrinkled then we saw giant canons. Afterwards we had ice cream.

There are a million things to explore with the 3 of us. Sunken gardens, trolley's that run downtown on a loop, new grocery stores, parks, splash grounds at the new pier. 

These days are extra special because you don't know when you will have the last day of just 3. 

The other easy part is knowing why. 

Last night Josiah had a really hard time going to sleep. He was exhausted from avoiding his nap and playing so hard. He called from his room that he was scared. He said he wanted to go home back to his white house and his race car bed. I got into bed with him and let him cry. 

"This is hard isn't it? The waiting and not knowing what comes next and when we can go home."

"Yeah. I want to go home and wait for my baby sister to come there."

"I know. But I need to tell you something important. Are you listening?"

"Yeah."

"God called us to adopt. He called us to this woman, to be with her. He called us to this waiting. He called us to be the family for this little girl. All of this is work that He has asked us to do. And you are right, this is very hard work. It's ok to miss home. But don't lose sight of where we are right in this minute. All of this will be over quickly and just be a memory. A story we tell each year. While we are doing God's work, we should rest at night knowing this is right and good. In the morning we should get up refreshed and ready to take on what he has in store for us with a thankful heart. Let's close our eyes and think about all the good things we did today."

"Ok"

"Let's see....we fed alligators."