There will be no adoption updates in this post so if that is what you are looking for, quit now.
Now for the rest of you curious onlookers, this post is about Florida.
I would like to ask you to google "Florida Man" followed by your birthday and look at the news headlines. Just stop right now and do that in a separate tab.
I got something about a Florida man claiming someone was eating his brains on a golf course. I also got one about a Florida man throwing a toilet into the window of his local School Board.
You can also use "Florida woman." The first one that comes up for me using "Florida woman" is a woman using an alligator in her maternity photos.
Florida is a very unique place. Previously we had only been here for short visits. I went to Disney when I was in 8th grade. I also went to a conference when I was in grad school. We had our 4 day stay a few weeks ago. But let me tell you, those places really don't allow you to see Florida.
First, the beaches are so beautiful. The gulf beaches are the ones we have been able to see the most of. They have white sand and you can see your feet the water is so clear. Yesterday I was enveloped by a school of fish being chased by 4 little sand sharks who didn't even notice me. I've never seen anything like it.
The state parks are also teeming with wildlife that you don't get to see everywhere else. Snowy Egrets look at you with disdain and Ibis walk through swamps with their long beaks just feet from you. River otters play in the water together a few yards from the playground in the lake. Lizards. Lots of lizards. You're probably wondering about alligators, right?
Well there are about 200 or so signs I've seen that say don't feed or molest the alligators. Signs that talk about how alligators will kill you. They will kill your pets. In fact there was one park that said, don't take your dog in here because alligators will feast on the dog right in front of you and eat the leach too. Fine. The sign implied that.
We've seen 1 alligator in the wild.
There were 15 in the aquarium. There was also a place where you could feed them, so we did that. Probably not approved by PETA but what is?
One wild alligator sighting. Guys, it's not like we aren't looking for them. We look for them. We listen for them. We seek out places that will have alligators. That's why we've seen so many signs. But so far, just the one.
Here's a list of things we have seen that are just as startling as a wild alligator:
- Near Tampa Bay at a park, a man in this late 60's. Shirtless. Jean shorts. Long hair, shaved on the sides, pulled up into a man bun. On. A. Skateboard.
- A woman sitting alone by a lake in a state park singing to the birds and asking them to come closer. She had about 8 used wadded up tissues around her. But the creepy made up song and the come closer stuff made me think she was going to eat the next bird that got close to her. The birds must have had the same idea. They were staying a good distance away.
- We saw a couple get into an argument over the placement of a blanket in a park and it almost led to a break up. It seemed that things were tense because they were out of drugs.
- Remember Magda from "There's Something About Mary" the movie with Ben Stiller? We see Magda more than we see alligators here.
- Rules are suggestions. "Don't ride your bike on the board walk because it disturbs the wildlife." That was one suggestion at a state park that is known for viewing wildlife. If you have kids though, they can ride skateboards and bikes and scooters.
"Wear a mask." If you want to.
"Come up with a plan for starting school for your county." As long as it's start school in person ASAP and not any form of virtual 'cause Florida is over the COVID.
"Shirts, shoes, and masks are required." However, a lace maxi dress and thong panties will be fine.
- The attire is often questionable. Like one big wal-mart. But I will completely defend Florida on this. It is HOT. It is HUMID. You cannot expect folks to be concerned about fashion when their brains are literally on fire from the heat and humidity. If you are sweating that much all the time, then you are going to dress in whatever helps put an end to the sweating. Right?
- Mosquitoes. Hungry mosquitoes. That apparently like to suck blood from your eyes because that's where they go first before settling for any other surface they can get to. You could DEET the whole town and these mosquitoes wouldn't be phased by it. These guys are the Honey Badgers of the bug world.
It's Saturday and I'm not sure what we will see today, but I'm sure it will be note worthy.
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