Bigger than our ability to comprehend.

 When? When can we see pictures? When are the papers signed? Those are the questions everyone has. 

I. Don't. Know. I don't. I don't have any answers. 

More importantly, I'm ok with not having answers. The time frame is not for me to know. 

For some of you that might stir up fear or anger - any number of feelings about our birth mother. I need to ask you that if you feel those things, that you stop and remind yourself, you don't know this woman. You don't know her hurt. You don't know her pain. You don't know any of the previous hurt that she may have experienced. So when you feel those things - please stop and ask God to stop those thoughts in you head and in your heart. 

During our wait for a child that all of you are so invested in seeing, on the other side of that excitement and anxious anticipation is a woman enduring emotions that we can't comprehend. She worrying about letting go, getting pushed aside, and being left behind. I can't even speak to what she is feeling, so let me stop trying. 

What I do know, is that she loves this baby girl. She loves her tiny toes. She loves her little hands. She loves her like I loved Josiah when I had him. I couldn't stop taking pictures of him. I wanted time to stand still. I wanted to smell him. There were days where I could have put him down so he could sleep but I held him in my arms just because I could. This mama feels all of that too. 

It helps to remember that on the other side of our anxiety is a woman that loves this little girl. We have to be reminded of the heartbreak of adoption. 

We are emotionally tired on our end. But taking care of ourselves. We stay busy. We slow down when we need to slow down. We cry when it gets hard. But we always function as a team - making sure everyone has what they need to be strong through this. 

Yesterday we went to the Florida Aquarium. The Florida Aquarium is "known for it's large roof". Yep. We found that online. And guess what? The roof was spectacular. Honestly. Best roof I've seen in ages. Google it. Although I'm sure the pictures won't do it justice. 

There were some pretty cool things inside too. Josiah and I loved the river otters the best. I could watch those guys all day. They remind me of Frasier - all short and long.

They also had a penguin. She was just hanging out in a conference room surrounded by a fence made out of paper boxes. You think you are confused! How do you think the penguin felt? First day on the job and you can't even find your desk. She comes to this aquarium and wakes up in a Dunder Mifflin nightmare. 

And then we saw this:

They are wrestling. 

And this was one of my favorites:

We have done a lot of talk about God's creation on this trip. This was one of the marvels. That God made the whole sea and all the life in it. And it is so big. Which means that God is even bigger. 

Bigger than our ability to comprehend.