day 6 with baby josiah. must make a family trip to walmart for clothes. for me.
note - your post baby body will rapidly shift so don't invest in a wardrobe for a month or two. however, you will be oddly shaped during this time. it's best to wear dresses. don't worry though, no one really looks at you anymore. the attention goes straight to the baby. and if they do look at you, they won't judge you too harshly because you have a new baby and if you are wearing a dress it looks like you are really trying even if you haven't bathed or brushed your teeth.
i'm 95% sure that i purchased a swimsuit cover up during this trip to walmart and continued to wear it as a dress for many weeks. it had pockets and it was a slimming black color. it's still in my closet and i might still wear it.
ok fine. it was definitely a swimsuit cover up. and i still wear it as a dress. whatever. it has pockets. and pockets are important when you have a baby. everything should have pockets.
let's get back to the walmart trip and away from my dress with pockets....we collected our items and got in line and this is where i experienced my first episode of "mom shaming." "mom shaming" is a forbidden activity that many folks fall victim to without even realizing it. be careful, mom's can and will bite back. often without even being aware of it. it's an evolutionary defense response kind of like fight or flight. here's what went down....
lady behind us in line: awe...he's so cute...how old is he? 6 months?
me: no 6 days, thank you.
lady behind us in line: that's interesting. i thought you were supposed to have a shield or covering for them when they go out up until 6 months.
me (confused): what?
lady behind us in line: yeah my children told me that they covered the grandkids with a plastic shield over the stroller to prevent them from getting sick. they did that up until 6 months. but you don't have that so i thought he was 6 months old.
me (as aaron finishes paying and gently leads me away): a plastic shield? really? were you covered in a plastic bubble as a kid? i wasn't. and we turned out just fine didn't we? i mean who does that. you gotta be kidding me. did you hear what she just said? i know she isn't judging me because i don't have a durn plastic bubble over my kid.
a few days later aaron pointed out that i had been mom shamed and that i sort of lost it a little bit. ok i lost it. fine. but it was 6 days after having the kid. 6 days in and i'm already being judged? cut me some slack.
and it's not just plastic bubbles. one of the biggest areas of shaming is how you choose to feed your child. breast is best, formula is just ok. and you are taught that for 9 months so that when the kid gets here and you run into breast milk problems you can spiral downward very fast. you can actually mom shame yourself.
*disclaimer* we are going into the great breastfeeding vs formula debate. this is only my experience and everyone is different. do NOT think that this is how it happens for everyone. in fact i'm well aware that even with my next child things will be different. the message here is find your own path to feeding and feel no shame for it. and for goodness sake, don't shame yourself.
here's the recipe for postpartum mood disorder:
- truly believe and feel that breast is best and plan for 100% breast milk no matter what.
- have a body that doesn't produce. for example my milk didn't come in for over a week. and when it did, it really only came in on one side. no one told me that would happen. i produced so little that after our first visit to the pediatrician we had to start supplementing with formula. 4 days in and he was already under weight.
- ignore your child's latch until pain meds wear off and realize that your nipples are now destroyed and you need a lactation consultant.
- spend 6 weeks correcting said latch.
-spend 8 weeks trying to correct supply by sticking to this schedule:
40 minutes breast feeding
15 minutes formula feeding
put child in swing, use breast pump for 20 minutes
change diaper
use restroom/eat/bathe if you can
eat fistfuls of herbs to help boost supply
repeat around the clock
yep. i stuck to that schedule around the clock for almost 8 weeks. and during that time i was able to feed josiah from my breast alone 4 times. 4 times! think about it. 8 weeks, he eats every 2 hours, and only 4 times.
no one shamed me. not one single person. in fact there was a lot of support to actually quit this routine and go to formula. i shamed me. i read the internet and books and i believed that my body would catch up. the worst part was sometimes i would see improvement and think it was going to work only to see later that it wasn't. i made myself delirious.
i literally had conversations with a box of formula at 3am.
formula: just mix me up. give up. that kid likes me better anyway. i'm sooo easy to use. you'll never have to be naked in public if you use me.
me: NO! i can do this. you leave me alone.
formula: you'll be back. you can't do this without me.
i knew i was breaking down when i started worrying about everything. traffic, asphalt, gravel, dropping the baby, falling with the baby, knives, the washing machine, carpet, the sun. everything was a danger to the baby, not just formula feeding.
so i visited the midwife and told her my routine and the 2 lactation consultants and the worrying. and with a gentle smile she said...
"just stop breastfeeding. it's time to stop."
so i did. i quit fighting with my body. i quit shaming myself. i broke up with my breast pump and packed it away. i threw out the herbs that made me smell weird anyways. i quit taking the omega 3s to create the perfect breast milk and stopped burping up nasty fish oil. i grieved the loss and gratefully accepted our new path.
and it was the best decision ever. today i share the feeding with my husband. he loves the chance to be able to offer josiah a bottle. i love to be given a break. we split up the night feeding duties so no one bears the responsibility alone. my kiddo eats some high quality milk. it just doesn't come from my body. and he's happy and a healthy weight.
the best part about getting off that vicious merry go round?
i can let him fall asleep in my arms if i want to. i can take time to laugh with him. i can take the time to hold things just within his reach and watch him try to grab it.
babies grow rapidly. josiah will only be like he is today for today. tomorrow he will be different. he'll be bigger or he'll learn how to use his tiny hands or he will hold his head up. something will be different tomorrow. switching formula allowed me to enjoy every second of today before it's gone and turns into something else that i can enjoy. and isn't that what God intended? for us to marvel at His creation and take time to give thanks for it?
a good friend once told me some very true words...."it's love that feeds the child."
and this kiddo is loved indeed.
note - your post baby body will rapidly shift so don't invest in a wardrobe for a month or two. however, you will be oddly shaped during this time. it's best to wear dresses. don't worry though, no one really looks at you anymore. the attention goes straight to the baby. and if they do look at you, they won't judge you too harshly because you have a new baby and if you are wearing a dress it looks like you are really trying even if you haven't bathed or brushed your teeth.
i'm 95% sure that i purchased a swimsuit cover up during this trip to walmart and continued to wear it as a dress for many weeks. it had pockets and it was a slimming black color. it's still in my closet and i might still wear it.
ok fine. it was definitely a swimsuit cover up. and i still wear it as a dress. whatever. it has pockets. and pockets are important when you have a baby. everything should have pockets.
let's get back to the walmart trip and away from my dress with pockets....we collected our items and got in line and this is where i experienced my first episode of "mom shaming." "mom shaming" is a forbidden activity that many folks fall victim to without even realizing it. be careful, mom's can and will bite back. often without even being aware of it. it's an evolutionary defense response kind of like fight or flight. here's what went down....
lady behind us in line: awe...he's so cute...how old is he? 6 months?
me: no 6 days, thank you.
lady behind us in line: that's interesting. i thought you were supposed to have a shield or covering for them when they go out up until 6 months.
me (confused): what?
lady behind us in line: yeah my children told me that they covered the grandkids with a plastic shield over the stroller to prevent them from getting sick. they did that up until 6 months. but you don't have that so i thought he was 6 months old.
me (as aaron finishes paying and gently leads me away): a plastic shield? really? were you covered in a plastic bubble as a kid? i wasn't. and we turned out just fine didn't we? i mean who does that. you gotta be kidding me. did you hear what she just said? i know she isn't judging me because i don't have a durn plastic bubble over my kid.
a few days later aaron pointed out that i had been mom shamed and that i sort of lost it a little bit. ok i lost it. fine. but it was 6 days after having the kid. 6 days in and i'm already being judged? cut me some slack.
and it's not just plastic bubbles. one of the biggest areas of shaming is how you choose to feed your child. breast is best, formula is just ok. and you are taught that for 9 months so that when the kid gets here and you run into breast milk problems you can spiral downward very fast. you can actually mom shame yourself.
*disclaimer* we are going into the great breastfeeding vs formula debate. this is only my experience and everyone is different. do NOT think that this is how it happens for everyone. in fact i'm well aware that even with my next child things will be different. the message here is find your own path to feeding and feel no shame for it. and for goodness sake, don't shame yourself.
here's the recipe for postpartum mood disorder:
- truly believe and feel that breast is best and plan for 100% breast milk no matter what.
- have a body that doesn't produce. for example my milk didn't come in for over a week. and when it did, it really only came in on one side. no one told me that would happen. i produced so little that after our first visit to the pediatrician we had to start supplementing with formula. 4 days in and he was already under weight.
- ignore your child's latch until pain meds wear off and realize that your nipples are now destroyed and you need a lactation consultant.
- spend 6 weeks correcting said latch.
-spend 8 weeks trying to correct supply by sticking to this schedule:
40 minutes breast feeding
15 minutes formula feeding
put child in swing, use breast pump for 20 minutes
change diaper
use restroom/eat/bathe if you can
eat fistfuls of herbs to help boost supply
repeat around the clock
yep. i stuck to that schedule around the clock for almost 8 weeks. and during that time i was able to feed josiah from my breast alone 4 times. 4 times! think about it. 8 weeks, he eats every 2 hours, and only 4 times.
no one shamed me. not one single person. in fact there was a lot of support to actually quit this routine and go to formula. i shamed me. i read the internet and books and i believed that my body would catch up. the worst part was sometimes i would see improvement and think it was going to work only to see later that it wasn't. i made myself delirious.
i literally had conversations with a box of formula at 3am.
formula: just mix me up. give up. that kid likes me better anyway. i'm sooo easy to use. you'll never have to be naked in public if you use me.
me: NO! i can do this. you leave me alone.
formula: you'll be back. you can't do this without me.
i knew i was breaking down when i started worrying about everything. traffic, asphalt, gravel, dropping the baby, falling with the baby, knives, the washing machine, carpet, the sun. everything was a danger to the baby, not just formula feeding.
so i visited the midwife and told her my routine and the 2 lactation consultants and the worrying. and with a gentle smile she said...
"just stop breastfeeding. it's time to stop."
so i did. i quit fighting with my body. i quit shaming myself. i broke up with my breast pump and packed it away. i threw out the herbs that made me smell weird anyways. i quit taking the omega 3s to create the perfect breast milk and stopped burping up nasty fish oil. i grieved the loss and gratefully accepted our new path.
and it was the best decision ever. today i share the feeding with my husband. he loves the chance to be able to offer josiah a bottle. i love to be given a break. we split up the night feeding duties so no one bears the responsibility alone. my kiddo eats some high quality milk. it just doesn't come from my body. and he's happy and a healthy weight.
the best part about getting off that vicious merry go round?
i can let him fall asleep in my arms if i want to. i can take time to laugh with him. i can take the time to hold things just within his reach and watch him try to grab it.
babies grow rapidly. josiah will only be like he is today for today. tomorrow he will be different. he'll be bigger or he'll learn how to use his tiny hands or he will hold his head up. something will be different tomorrow. switching formula allowed me to enjoy every second of today before it's gone and turns into something else that i can enjoy. and isn't that what God intended? for us to marvel at His creation and take time to give thanks for it?
a good friend once told me some very true words...."it's love that feeds the child."
and this kiddo is loved indeed.
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