TV, TV, It's time to watch TV.
Yes yes yes, Turn it on, we'll see.
Good Good, shut up and sit down now
Yay yay yay, You like it WOW!
Yes Yes, I need a break you see
One two three, I'm alone just me!
Look Look they stopped screaming too
Yes yes yes, this is working OOh!
If you just read that and a dreaded earworm has now entered your head, then you know exactly where I'm at.
If you just read that and you thought I made a cute rhyme, you don't fully understand.
Let me explain.
When Josiah was born, I didn't even want the TV on for the first year. I lost that battle within the first week. I didn't care what pediatricians said, I needed the TV on to distract me from my feeble attempts to breastfeed. So I settled for extremely limited screen time for the kid.
Somewhere along the line we introduced Mr. Rogers and old school Sesame Street. I'm not sure how the whole PAW Patrol thing happened, but once it starts, you are stuck.
Then precious Eli joined us. I needed the TV at times to distract Josiah long enough for me to tend to Eli's needs.
Some of you will object to the term "needed" as used above. I'm ok with that. We are still friends.
I am fully aware that I could have gotten on Pintrest and found a thousand ways to entertain older siblings while not using the TV so that you can clean up/dress/console another child. I just didn't do that. I could say I didn't have time or I didn't think of it at the time. Whatever. I used the TV.
It totally worked, too. Josiah would sit there quiet as a mouse.
Full disclosure? I got a tablet and headphones for Josiah to use in the car sometimes when we are traveling. I can get a full 2 hours or more of peaceful bliss without his backseat driving critiques. I can have a conversation with my husband. The tablet is great but the headphones are a game changer.
This summer when both the boys are at home, it has been super sweet to watch them play. Eli is always trying to do what Josiah is doing. They have sweet conversations where Josiah teaches Eli something new. They have their own brother language. Josiah is always.....taking things from Eli that he is playing with. Eli is screaming and going in for the kill. Josiah is screaming and running away or getting caught by a fistful of hair that Eli is so quick to grab. Josiah is screaming in pain from being bitten. Eli is screaming because he just wants the monster truck that he rightfully had to begin with, when he clearly said "NO MINE."
It's real sweet. Precious even. I know that might read as sarcasm, but it's not. Brotherhood is a dream I didn't know I even wanted. One day my home will be empty. But now I want it to be loud and playful and annoying.
Now the TV serves a different purpose - making peace so I can get an ice pack. Or just making peace so I can fix food for the two savages that I live with.
But they don't like the same shows. In fact, Eli only wants one show and one show only.
Cocomelon.
For those of you who have not been introduced to this insidious mind control device, let me give you a summary.
Cocomelon is a digital 3D animated show about a family. The main character is a baby in a onesie named JJ. He has an older sister named Yo Yo, a brother named Tom Tom, and, of course, Mom and Dad. They also include characters from preschool and occasionally their families.
In fact, it's not really a show about them. That would mean there was a story line about these characters. There's no storyline. It's just songs. For example the words "London Bridge" will appear and a cheesey voice over reads it. That fades out and up comes JJ and his siblings trying to build a bridge with blocks while London Bridge is being sung.
They have all the typical nursery rhymes, but there are also Cocomelon originals like the Yes Yes Song. Yes yes vegetables. Yes yes workout. Yes yes go play outside. Yes yes go potty. Yes yes what ever.
So it's an animated show that teaches your kids good habits and is fun for them. Why would I call this insidious mind control? Let me explain the horrors.....
First, this family is annoying. They are sooooo happy. JJ just loves his veggies. It's so unreal. Just once during Yes Yes Vegetables have JJ throw up when a green bean touches his tongue. That's what happens when Josiah eats vegetables. It triggers his gag reflex so bad he vomits. Let's see it JJ.
The one where this is most noticeable is when the family is trying to leave to go somewhere and everyone keeps leaving stuff inside the house. Someone forgot their teddy. Someone doesn't have shoes. Someone forgot to go potty. This family is just laughing about it. Oh it's so cute that Yo Yo forgot her dolly! What kind of name is Yo Yo? The video ends with the dad losing the keys on top of the car. And they all just laugh and laugh and laugh.
Really?
In real life these quotes are usually said when trying to leave my house:
"I can't put my shoes on Mama, I don't have bones!"
"That's MINE!"
"I forgot my dinosaur."
"Too bad. Those are the consequences of forgetting things. They get left behind."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"Don't lock the door! Those five trips to the car were just getting the boys in there. I still have to get my stuff."
"Have you ever seen a child move slower than our child? I don't even know how he moves that slow."
"No take Eli first because he will get into things and bite the dog."
By the time I get in the car and turn it on I feel like I need a vacation. I'm definitely sweating by that point.
But the real horror? This is the only show that Eli is willing to watch. We've seen every episode. Multiple times. I can't stand it anymore. Yes yes, I'm really fed up now.
We went through one phase where Eli only wanted the Cocomelon version of "Wheels on the Bus." Guess what? You probably think there's something special about that version. There's not. Just the same cheesy family singing about a bus. What I mean is, he only wanted to see them sing it. Not you. Not me. Not anyone. Just JJ.
I'm thankful for the things that Cocomelon has allowed me to get done around the house. But for now, it is banned. We don't even say the word.
Today when I needed a shower, I propped up my kiddos at the breakfast table with the trusty tablet. This time I went old school. Reading Rainbow. What's better than precious Levar Burton reading to your kids? Nothing. Wholesome. Engaging. Pure. Not annoying. Love that for me.
After the shower I stepped out to get dressed and that's when I realized my mistake.
No, not YouTube commercials.
No, not forgetting to buckle in Eli.
I had just allowed my children to watch the saddest episode of Reading Rainbow ever. It was like introducing them to Mr. Roger's by watching the dead goldfish episode but the timing was much worse.
It was the 9/11 episode of Reading Rainbow. You know, where they have school children describe going to school in NYC and having to leave and never getting to go back because the largest terror attack on US soil had happened.
Josiah begins kindergarten in two weeks.
Worse than having to endure Cocomelon songs? Nope.
Having peace and quiet so I can get a shower while my kiddos learn about an American tragedy from Levar's selected friends on Reading Rainbow?
Totally worth it. And if the teachers call on the first day of school because my kid is scared of terrorists....I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
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