Going back to work has been full of folks asking how I'm doing and it all comes from good places in their hearts.
"Has it been hard to separate from the baby?"
"That first week is really rough isn't it? I cried every day."
"I just couldn't do it. I had to stay home. I needed to be a mom."
The truth is, motherhood looks differently for everyone. Here's what my current situation is, and the key word is "current". Life can change dramatically at any point.
I really wanted to stay home. I wanted to cook food for my family. I wanted to play with my kid all day and go to play dates.
Until I actually had said kid and found out what I was really made of. That kid and mom life broke me in about 5-7 days after I gave birth. Seriously, I had the kid, I love the kid, I wanted to breastfeed the kid, I wanted to stay home, and then somewhere it all fell apart.
That's when I started walking through life like a zombie. I should be able to get it together. But I couldn't. And I was really mad about it. There were things I wanted and they were never going to happen. There were things I used to do and I felt like I would never be able to do them again.
That's postpartum depression in the nicest way I can tell you. Note - I'm leaving out the crying, hair pulling, really ugly parts.
So after seeking treatment for that, which was amazing, I really got a chance to get to know this little person. And he's totally awesome. He's the best. But I also know that I can't hang out with him all day. In order for me to be the best for him, I have to leave.
So I took his little butt over to preschool, dropped his tail off, and went back to work. I didn't cry. My heart didn't break. And he still knew who I was when I picked him up. Not only that but work became really important to me. All of these tiny people I work with were suddenly really and truly someone else's everything. I could look at the parents and for once really know what it was like to be them. I saw my job completely differently.
I also see my spare time differently. If he's gone all day, then our family time is sacred. The moments that the 3 of us are together are priceless and I'll fight tooth and nail for each second of that time to be spent well.
I cook....sort of...
I use a crock pot a whole lot. And if there's a meal that requires browning the meat before putting it in there forget it. What's the point? It should be dump, cook, eat. Not prepare, brown, dump, cook, put in oven, season, then eat. That's hog wash.
I pack lunches. Josiah's meals are made from home - formula with 2 servings of solids that I make, not from a jar. Convenience items are for me and dad. Like hot pockets. But Josiah gets home made food. Mostly because it's cheaper. But also because it brings me great joy to prepare it.
Josiah has play dates. It's called pre-school all day long. He has a friend and they take turns laughing at each other and hitting each other with toys. They go on walks outside and take naps. They even have a secret language. In fact, these two spend more time talking to each other than they do anyone else in his class. When they eat lunch Josiah demands to stay in the high chair next to his friend until his friend is done eating. It's really kind of funny.
Financially, going back to work made sense. Psychologically, emotionally, it was right for me.
So yes. I'm fine. Josiah is great. No I didn't cry. Not even when he's crying as I walk out the door. And no I don't know how long he cries after I leave because it doesn't matter. This is right for our family. And sometimes doing what's right is a little uncomfortable for folks. But in the end, that discomfort pays off.
"Has it been hard to separate from the baby?"
"That first week is really rough isn't it? I cried every day."
"I just couldn't do it. I had to stay home. I needed to be a mom."
The truth is, motherhood looks differently for everyone. Here's what my current situation is, and the key word is "current". Life can change dramatically at any point.
I really wanted to stay home. I wanted to cook food for my family. I wanted to play with my kid all day and go to play dates.
Until I actually had said kid and found out what I was really made of. That kid and mom life broke me in about 5-7 days after I gave birth. Seriously, I had the kid, I love the kid, I wanted to breastfeed the kid, I wanted to stay home, and then somewhere it all fell apart.
That's when I started walking through life like a zombie. I should be able to get it together. But I couldn't. And I was really mad about it. There were things I wanted and they were never going to happen. There were things I used to do and I felt like I would never be able to do them again.
That's postpartum depression in the nicest way I can tell you. Note - I'm leaving out the crying, hair pulling, really ugly parts.
So after seeking treatment for that, which was amazing, I really got a chance to get to know this little person. And he's totally awesome. He's the best. But I also know that I can't hang out with him all day. In order for me to be the best for him, I have to leave.
So I took his little butt over to preschool, dropped his tail off, and went back to work. I didn't cry. My heart didn't break. And he still knew who I was when I picked him up. Not only that but work became really important to me. All of these tiny people I work with were suddenly really and truly someone else's everything. I could look at the parents and for once really know what it was like to be them. I saw my job completely differently.
I also see my spare time differently. If he's gone all day, then our family time is sacred. The moments that the 3 of us are together are priceless and I'll fight tooth and nail for each second of that time to be spent well.
I cook....sort of...
I use a crock pot a whole lot. And if there's a meal that requires browning the meat before putting it in there forget it. What's the point? It should be dump, cook, eat. Not prepare, brown, dump, cook, put in oven, season, then eat. That's hog wash.
I pack lunches. Josiah's meals are made from home - formula with 2 servings of solids that I make, not from a jar. Convenience items are for me and dad. Like hot pockets. But Josiah gets home made food. Mostly because it's cheaper. But also because it brings me great joy to prepare it.
Josiah has play dates. It's called pre-school all day long. He has a friend and they take turns laughing at each other and hitting each other with toys. They go on walks outside and take naps. They even have a secret language. In fact, these two spend more time talking to each other than they do anyone else in his class. When they eat lunch Josiah demands to stay in the high chair next to his friend until his friend is done eating. It's really kind of funny.
Financially, going back to work made sense. Psychologically, emotionally, it was right for me.
So yes. I'm fine. Josiah is great. No I didn't cry. Not even when he's crying as I walk out the door. And no I don't know how long he cries after I leave because it doesn't matter. This is right for our family. And sometimes doing what's right is a little uncomfortable for folks. But in the end, that discomfort pays off.
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